Speaking the Unspoken

Why we shouldn’t have “unspoken” prayer requests

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Photo by adrianna geo on Unsplash

Imagine yourself in a scenario. You’re at your church’s prayer meeting and everyone is going around making prayer requests. One person gives a few requests but then says, “And an unspoken.”

If you’re the person praying, what do you do with that? I know the easy answer—and likely the right thing to do in the moment—is to simply pray along the lines of, “Lord, you know this person’s needs. We ask that you meet them, and provide wisdom as he navigates this situation or decision.”

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. And let me be abundantly clear: I don’t think anyone is in the wrong for asking for an “unspoken.” But I think they’re missing out and need to encouraged to be open and transparent.

Some “unspoken” remain that way because of an individual’s pride, embarrassment, or shame. None of those are good reasons to not be specific about the request, but it does show that there needs to be wisdom in the request. At our church, the men and women are separated in prayer groups. The women don’t need to know some of the men’s prayer requests and vice versa. In the same way, I can understand why an individual wouldn’t want to air his “dirty laundry” to everyone in the room.

But someone needs to know about it. You need to have someone interceding for you, being with you through whatever it is you’re going through. It’s hard for another believer to walk with you when they don’t know what you’re actually experiencing. People around you won’t be caught off guard if your “unspoken” is a sin you’re battling. Life is messy because people are messy—even Christians. We just need to be upfront and honest about our messiness so others can help us along the way.

“The unspoken prayer request not only leaves one alone in his burden-carrying, but it actually makes such an essential task impossible for Christian brothers and sisters,” Zach Barnhart wrote. “When we invite others into the context of our burden—walking in the light with them—what happens? ‘We have fellowship with one another’ (1 John 1:7). Naming our need forges empathy with our neighbor.”

Friend, I don’t write this to admonish and discourage. It’s not a bashing but an invitation. Let your guard down and be okay with telling your “unspoken” to some folks who you really trust. Everyone around you is struggling with sin in some form or fashion, so you’re not catching anyone by surprise. (Most of the time I think it’s safe to say “unspoken” are related to one’s personal struggle with a specific sin.)

If you’re in a prayer group with men, let them know what your prayer request is—no matter what it is. Now, that doesn’t mean specific details—you don’t need to give every last bit of information. But you should be open and vulnerable enough to let others know what you’re struggling with. Whatever the “unspoken” is . . . speak it. Others can handle it.

There’s no need to feel shame, embarrassment, or guilt. The brothers and sisters around you want to be there for you and want to see you grow. When you ask for an “unspoken” you’re robbing yourself and others of joy. Bring to bear whatever it is: sin, hardship, suffering, tough family situation—whatever. Use the power of intercessory prayer. You’re not going through anything others likely haven’t gone through, too.

So please hear my heart. If you’ve ever asked for an “unspoken,” don’t take this as an overt criticism. Though I am being a tad critical of that practice—because there is baggage around it—I’m writing more to the fact that you’re missing out on so much when you don’t speak up about what’s happening in your life. It’s okay if you have baggage—we all do. Let’s bear together. Speak up.