It's Okay to Not Understand
Sometimes God's will doesn't make sense, and that's okay
About a year after my wife and I got married, she got pregnant. We were overjoyed at the reality of having our first child. Texts were made, phone calls were had, and social media announcements were posted. We wanted the whole world to know we were going to have a baby!
Until everything came crashing down.
To make a long story short, we went in for the first ultrasound and never found the baby. We believed we had lost the baby. But upon second opinion, we learned Shale had a blighted ovum, which means a sac developed but no embryo. So we not only had to cope with not having a pregnancy anymore, but also understanding there never was a child in her womb. We were prepared to be told, “You lost the baby,” not, “You never had one.”
We were both incredibly saddened and confused, understandably so. It pained us both to ponder what we lost; we didn’t lose a child that day, but lost the reality of thinking we had a child. I know it’s common for first-time pregnancies, but it was simply a hard time.1
Neither of us understood why this was happening. Sure, we understood this can happen from a biological perspective, but why was God putting us through this? Why did God orchestrate this to take place in our lives when we were so thrilled to become parents? Why did God allow ordain this to happen?
The simple answer: I don’t understand why—and that’s okay.
I’m positive you’ve been through your fair share of suffering. I’m certain you’ve trudged through various trials and had dark days. We all have to varying degrees. And, like myself, I’m sure you’ve not understood why something is happening. It’s a natural thing to want to understand what God is up to. And sometimes, if we allow ourselves, we will get frustrated with not knowing. It will pain us that we don’t understand.
And it’s okay that we don’t. It’s okay that we don’t understand why something is happening. It’s okay that we don’t know why God has ordained a certain thing. It’s okay that we simply have no idea why we continue to suffer or watch people around us suffer.
It’s okay because we know who God is.
Scripture gives us a taste of who our God is in Psalm 23:
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
God is with us in our suffering; He’s with you in your suffering, friend. He shepherds our hearts as we navigate grief and pain and anguish. He leads us beside still waters as our suffering causes us to fret. He restores our souls when life dries it out. He leads us in paths of righteousness when our circumstances tempt us to draw to dark places. He is with us in the darkest times we experience, and lights up our paths with his mercy, love, and grace.
We won’t always understand God’s will. In fact, I think more often than not we won’t understand it. God’s ways are much bigger and higher than our own. But the beautiful thing is that we don’t have to understand. We don’t need to understand because we know who God is. He is trustworthy, reliable, faithful; He is rich in mercy, our comforter, our friend, our Savior.
You see, we don’t have to understand everything because who God is; we know who He is because of what He did for us. The cross of Jesus Christ is the definitive proof that God cares for us, loves us, and comforts us in our grief. As we are eternally united with Christ — and get to experience the communal love of the Godhead — we can know God is right here with us even as we go through life’s biggest challenges.
Don’t despair because you don’t know what God is up to. Don’t lash out because you don’t understand what’s happening. You can rest assured God is doing something for your good and His glory, and that should be good enough for all of us because we know who God is.
Since then, by God’s grace, we have two little girls, Jovi (5) and Piper (3). They are joys to parent.